I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
