We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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