Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
