You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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