I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
