i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
