my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
