Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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