Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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