Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Still dying that you shit outside
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
