9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
