saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
