pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
