the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
