I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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