5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
