i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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