he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
