the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
