i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
