Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
