do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
