This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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