brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
