dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
