Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
