dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
