Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
