It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
