Non-Jews are for practice
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
