it hurts more in the daytime
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
