I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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