I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
