This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
