alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
