Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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