Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
