She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
