You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
