You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
