U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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