Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
PANTIES FOUND
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
