I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
