He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
