Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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