i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
