will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
