I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
