I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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