he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
