I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so let's talk penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
